If You're not the One
by rhiawoods
Summary: Six perfect months, then an argument that ruins it all. LilyJames. Songfic based on Daniel Beddingfield's song of the same title.


Disclaimer: The characters belong to JK Rowling; the song is courtesy of Daniel Beddingfield.

**If You're Not the One**

"Lily…" James watched in dismay as the angry red-head stormed off across the castle grounds, ranting all the way back to the school. It had been six months since he had finally gotten Lily to go out with him, at the beginning of their seventh year. James shook his head sadly. This wasn't how the day was supposed to turn out, with the worst argument of their relationship. He had the entire afternoon planned out- just the two of them. And yet, somehow… James shook his head again and sat with his back against the tree by the lake. And he remembered, some thoughts bringing a smile, others tore at his heart…

………

_If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?_

The day Lily had finally accepted him…_  
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?_

A fall down the stairs, James reached his hand out to pick her up…_  
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call_

A timid smile, bright green eyes shyly meeting his…

_If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all_

His knees going weak as he realized she hadn't taken her hand away…

……..__

I never know what the future brings 

Lily, sobbing on his shoulder the dark December day the news of her parents' deaths came…_  
But I know you are here with me now_

The reassuring words he whispered in her ear…_  
We'll make it through _

Promising to always be with her…_  
And I hope you are the one I share my life with_

To hold her up in the hard times, always by her side…

………

_I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand_

The first time she rejected him, the first Hogsmeade trip in their third year…_  
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?_

The sharp pain in his heart as she walked away, laughing with her friends…_  
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?_

In his dreams, the petite red-head held close…

………_  
_

James sighed. The sun was setting, and it was growing cold. He'd spent the afternoon thinking about Lily, trying to figure out what he did wrong. Nothing had come of it. He was still just as confused as when she had stomped off earlier that day. He pulled himself up, wincing as muscles that had sat immobile for hours were forced into movement._  
If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?_

James moved like a ghost through the halls crowded with happy laughing students heading to dinner. He passed the entrance to the Great Hall, but couldn't bring himself to go in, to face his friends who could tell with a glance that he was upset. Instead, he made his way up the Gryffindor Tower, mumbled the password and took the stairs up to the dormitory, where he collapsed on his bed, lacking the energy even to close the bed curtains._  
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?_

He couldn't understand. He thought it out over and over again, trying to figure out where he went wrong. The afternoon had started well enough- James found Lily in the library, of course, blindfolded her and led her carefully down the stairs, laughing at her cheerful protests against the indignation of being led blind. He took her to the lake, to the tree where they had spent many happy hours, just the two of them. Sirius and Remus had set a picnic up for the couple. Lily was as surprised as James had hoped, laughing as he preformed a bit of parlor magic, pulling a flower out of thin air and tucking it in her hair. They sat down for lunch and pleasant conversation. James groaned. That's where the problem occurred. He mentioned that he didn't think whoever he married would have to work, thanks to the fortune he would inherit.

_If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?_

He couldn't get her angry voice out of his head. The words repeated over and over in his head- "That is so like you! I don't think I can be with someone so old-fashioned and chauvinistic."_  
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?_

He had planned to ask her to marry him. He had the ring in his pocket, waiting for the perfect moment. It was only two months until they left Hogwarts. He had thought she was as in love with him as he was with her. He meant nothing by that comment. He wouldn't prevent her from working, if they got married, it just wasn't necessary. But she wouldn't give him the chance to explain.

………_  
_

For a week, James lived in a dark cloud. Not even Sirius could bring his spirits up. A week, with a pain in his heart every time he saw Lily, heard her voice in the hall, walked by their favorite bench in the courtyard._  
I don't know why you're so far away_

James longed to be with her, to explain himself, ask forgiveness. He couldn't bear for Lily to hate him again. His heart was already breaking. He needed to be by her, feel her warmth, hold her in his arms…_  
But I know that this much is true_

The love they shared couldn't be denied. He saw it every time she looked at him, every time she touched him. She had said she loved him. Lily wouldn't have said that unless she truly meant it._  
We'll make it through _

She'd been mad at him before, but never like this. She would say she needed time to cool off, and she would come back to him, usually in just a few hours. Lily had never said she couldn't be with him, not since they'd started dating. But it had been a week and she still wouldn't look at him._  
And I hope you are the one I share my life with_

James still loved Lily, even after years of rejection. He carried the ring with him, often caressing the smooth velvet box, wishing he could give it to her.

_And I wish that you could be the one I die with_

He couldn't imagine a life without Lily. Even if she was steaming mad at him, being in the same house meant they had to see each other every day. If he couldn't get her back, he would face a life without the girl he loved as soon as they left Hogwarts. He needed her._  
And I pray you're the one I build my home with_

James felt as thought the only life worth living was one with Lily. It felt so right, imagining a home with her. There was no one who could take her place._  
I hope I love you all my life_

He would never love any one else, not like he loved Lily, with all his heart.__

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand

But if it was her wish, he would leave her life. He would make a new life, remake himself, try to forget those perfect months when they were together and in love._  
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am_

He knew she would never completely leave his heart. She belonged there, more a part of him than the very blood that ran through his veins._  
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?_

James would do anything to have her back. Anything.__

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away

Her spirit, her life, her temper… He loved everything about the fiery red-head. The spark in her eyes when she laughed, her sense of humor, the strength of her loyalty to those she loved… _  
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today_

In the week following the argument, James would sit in Lily's favorite armchair, breathing in her scent, fighting back tears that would spring up whenever he thought of her._  
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right_

He couldn't stand this any longer. He loved her, and nothing would ever change that._  
And though I can't be with you tonight_

He had to let her know…_  
And know my heart is by your side_

His heart would always belong to Lily, his Lily. He had to talk to her, let her know the pain he had been in for the past week, longing to be by her side._  
_

………

"Lily…" James found her in the library again. She had been avoiding the common room, avoiding any situation where she might come in contact with James. At his voice, Lily stiffened. James spoke, sitting in the chair next to her. "Lily, please listen to me. I can't take this any more. Please understand, I meant nothing by that comment. I can't… I want you to be happy. No matter what that takes. Anything. But please, I need you in my life. My heart is breaking, can't you understand that?" James' voice cracked, betraying the emotion he felt. "You're the only one for me. Lily… I love you."_  
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand_

He could barely make himself look in Lily's eyes, afraid of what he might find there. But when he could, he found tears running down her face, telling him that she had missed him just as much, that her heart had been breaking just as much._  
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am_

James gently wiped the tears from her cheek, pulling her close. She sobbed into his shoulder. "I didn't mean it. I couldn't… I didn't know what to do. This past week… James, I love you!"_  
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?_

"Lily, will you marry me?"

………

I hope you enjoyed reading! I sure enjoyed writing it. Almost made me cry… sniff Heehee. Anyway, please review!


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